Grief Stricken to Soulful Living
Hi I’m Chrissy Anne. This is my soul story….
"Who I know myself to be falls apart..."
My Soul Story to here, looks like… I once was lost and now I am found. I once was blind and now I see.
Lost looks like 11 years old, my grandfather passes away. Despair, sorrow, and agony empties my heart. Who I know myself to be falls apart. Shortly after, I move schools leaving friends behind. The last piece to my identity as I know it at 11 years old slips away. Lonely, empty, and scared. Unsure how to deal with the grief of it all I turn to alcohol, then drugs with depression and suicidal thoughts setting in at age 16. Now anti-depressants added to the numbing elixir. Early twenties, I pull myself from addiction replacing it with working way too much; taking a full course load at university while working 30 hours a week. Late twenties, I achieve my Chartered Accountancy designation, begin climbing the corporate ladder, and keep working too much. Feeling empty inside.
“not realizing it was my soul’s gentle voice intervening”
Blind looks like not realizing it was my soul. The night before he passes my grandfather appears to me in a dream.” Sweetheart, I need to go away but my love will always be with you.” Not realizing that this love was the medicine for my aching heart. At age 16, contemplating suicide, not realizing it was my soul’s gentle voice intervening, “go get the paint.” With calm flowing through me and can of white paint in my hand, I write the words to Imagine by John Lennon on my wall and put the anti-depressants away for life. “Imagine all the people living in peace.” Unsure what inner peace is, I continue my ways. Late twenties, I begin to see. My soul looks like the mourning a loss of a dear friend igniting a deep desire to be close to the ones I love. I listen and move back to my hometown. Here I marry the love of my life.
“…..my perception expands pulling me from my body.”
Now I am found. Now I see:
My soul looks like 34 years of age, staring down at a positive sign on a stick. Hope stirs a renewed sense of purpose. We are having a baby. I am a mother. My soul looks like November 14, 2011, 8.5 months pregnant I am in labour. My husband and I arrive at the hospital, my perception expands pulling me from my body. Now watching from above, I see myself walking hand in hand with him into labour and delivery.
The nurses greet us with smiles that quickly fade when hooking my belly to the monitor. “I’m sorry” gently slips from the doctor’s mouth silencing the air. “There is no heartbeat.”
My soul distances me from the brokenness flowing through me. I watch myself weep as grief takes over my body yet spirit fills me with peace as I deliver our baby boy still.
At 4lb, 6oz he is a sight of perfection with my husband’s black hair and my button nose.
The next day, I arrive home with empty arms. Stepping into our house, my soul jolts me back into my body. The brokenness brings me to my knees. With Heart to the ground all I can do is surrender.
Now I am found. Here begins my grieving journey; my path back to my soul. With my heart as my guide, I surrender to its every request. Prayer becomes my refuge. One wave at a time I face grief head on. It leads me to a beauty and magic I never knew existed. A life fully alive with unseen support, guidance, and love. I have new lenses through which I see the world and everyone in it, lenses of complete compassion and unconditional love. My grieving journey; my path back to my soul can be summed up by Be Still. Know. I am.
And in that stillness I know I AM here to help you live YOUr Soul in the messiness your life brings. Help you find the hidden magic within YOU waiting for you to reveal it...
So..I resigned my Chartered Accountancy. Studied fiercely obtaining solid knowledge on how to teach you to arrive at this greater purpose in life:
Neuro Linguistic Programming, Master Level ® with Natacha Thebeau, founder of Atlantic NLP;
Grief Recovery Method ® with John W. James founder of the Grief Recovery Institute;
ThetaHealing with Denise Carson of Source Power Healing;
Autopoetic Facilitator certification program with Spiritual Coach and Hay House Author, Anne Bérubé, Ph.D.